Well when I last wrote, I was unemployed. I swore up and down I'd have a job by April 30 and reassured everybody who posed the question "What if...?" that they had nothing to worry about as far as my employment status was concerned.
April 30 came, and I still wasn't working. So I bought a 1-way plane ticket to Denver and left Michigan on May 28. After 5 solid months of unemployment and only 2 interviews that entire time, I was ready to start over. Ready to re-build my life as my life, not as anybody else's. I had started to feel too comfortable living at home, not working, spending more time trying to help raise my nephews than I was trying to find a job. I was OK with not working. Until I realized I'd be running out of unemployment in June and needed to do something....fast. So I packed up some boxes and shipped them to Denver. Piled the rest of my stuff into my suitcases, and hopped on a plane the Wednesday after Memorial Day. When I bought the ticket, I was ready. I couldn't wait to get out, to experience everything new, to start working and re-building myself.
And then it came down to 3 days before I was supposed to leave, and I almost bailed. I had to call my mom and tell her to remind me why I was moving. I couldn't fathom why I ever thought it would be a good idea to pack up my belongings and leave everyone and everything I always knew to be so safe and comforting. But I knew if I didn't go, I'd regret it forever and would still be in Jackson, wishing I had done what I always said I would do.
The first couple of weeks in Denver were rough. I won't lie about that. I realized I had left a lot more back home than I ever could have imagined. I knew I wouldn't be 10 minutes away from Dave and Ehrin, or 45 from Troy and Adrienne. I knew I wouldn't see my parents every day like I had for the last 7 months. I knew I wouldn't be able to walk nextdoor to Gramma Judy's and have a snack with the kids. And I knew I couldn't just call up Grandma & Grandpa to grab lunch at Anna's and play cards for the afternoon. I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for was the fact that I was forced to realize that I wasn't complete without my family within arms reach. I had to admit to myself that I needed to be with them. I had to own up to the fact that I really wasn't programmed to move away from everybody and start over completely, forever. I wasn't prepared for that. My initial "I'll try it for a year" turned into "We'll see how I feel after Christmas". I wasn't sure I'd make it until May 2009. I would miss Blaine's 2nd birthday, Colin's 5th, Eli's 3rd....and shoot, Grace was born while I was in Denver--she'd be almost a year old by the time I made it home for good, and that would only be if I could land a job back home! All I could really do was hope and pray that everyone in Denver was right, and that my feeling of "What have I done?" would fade soon enough. I wanted it to work. I wanted to be able to say at my 10 year reunion "Yeah I'm living in Denver now...I've been there for 3 years--best decision I ever made." But I didn't know if it would happen.
My first day of work, Ehrin had Grace and it really started to feel like my world was crumbling. I didn't know when I'd be able to get home to see her, if not until Wheatland in September, and I couldn't stand the thought of that. I started looking into plane tickets for mid-July and decided I'd wait for one more paycheck before buying one. Two days after Grace was born, I got a call from the State of Michigan, wanting to know if I could interview for one of the jobs I had applied for back in January. Seriously. I moved May 28th. I got the phone call to interview on June 15th. If only that call could've come 2 months earlier. Needless to say, I booked a flight for the weekend they'd be interviewing and I went home to see Grace and give the State of Michigan my best smile and interview tactics. One month after I interviewed, they checked my references. Two weeks later, on Monday, August 25, they hired me. Perfect. I'd be home in two weeks for Wheatland and could officially tell everybody I'd be moving back. That was the happiest I'd been since before I left home to begin with.
Everybody in Denver thought I was crazy. "But you just got here!" "What do you want to go back to Michigan for? Colorado is awesome." I couldn't give an answer that anybody would understand. My life has much more to do with my family than a lot of other peoples' lives do, I've realized. I'm close to my siblings. I'm close to my parents. Some of my best friends are my cousins. I know that no matter what, I will always have my family to turn to, and nobody can take that from me. People that don't have that, don't understand why it's not possible to leave that behind and be content. I know that I have to do what's best for me, and making the decision to move back to Michigan is probably one of the best decisions I've made all year.
And I can say that I did what I always said I would do. I moved away from home. I got out of Jackson. Out of Michigan. And from that, I learned that I don't belong in any other state. My friends are great, but my family is what I know I'll always have and will never judge me for doing what's right for me. I'm home now. And I'm not going anywhere.
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